Can i become outgoing

And she seems to have loads of friends, too. What should I say? When you do this, your brain starts coming up with useful questions that can keep a conversation going.

You become more talkative. For example:. This example shows what happens when we stop comparing ourselves with someone else and try learning more about them instead. When we focus on getting to know someone, we get curious. Questions start to come naturally. Think about what happens when you become absorbed in a movie. If you have problems initiating a conversation with someone, you can read this guide. On the other hand, if you ask someone too many questions, they will feel they are being interrogated.

How come you were up so late? As long as you pay close attention to what the other person is saying, your natural curiosity will kick in, and you will be able to come up with enough questions.

You go back and forth, getting to know the other person and sharing a bit about yourself. Behavioral scientists call this a back-and-forth conversation. In school, I was bullied for anything and everything. I tried to be perfect so that no one would pick on me. Instead of trying to be perfect, he had started to be completely open about all his flaws. He was a virgin for longer than most guys, and he was always petrified that people would find out.

Finally, he decided to stop caring whether they knew. Now that you know, do what you want with it. The judgemental voice in his head disappeared. The important point is that his mindset had shifted. Personally, I was obsessed with the size of my nose. I thought it was too big. As I became more obsessed, I started trying to angle myself in such a way that people never saw my profile. Whenever I entered a room, I assumed that everyone focused on my nose. I now know this was only in my head, but at the time, it felt very real.

I decided to try a new approach by not trying to hide my flaw. My socially successful friends have told me that they face rejection all the time — and they like it. I found this very hard to believe at first. I used to see rejection as a sign of failure to be avoided at all costs, but they always saw it as a sign of personal growth.

To them, getting rejected means that you take the opportunities life gives you. If you are putting yourself in situations where you might be rejected, you are living life to the fullest.

It took me some time to wrap my head around this idea, but it makes sense. A life lived to the fullest is full of rejections, because the only way to not get rejected is to not take chances. There are even games you can play to practice dealing with rejection. Two things can happen. I think it stemmed from my time in elementary school, where some of the other kids used to bully me. As a defense against future rejection, I waited for others to be nice toward me before I dared to be nice toward them.

Because I waited for others to be nice toward me first, I came off as distant. People responded by being distant in return. I assumed it was because of my nose. In hindsight, this was illogical. One day, as an experiment, I tried to be warm toward people first. When I dared to be warm first, people were warm back! I never had a problem being my true self when I was with my close friends, but around strangers — especially intimidating ones — I froze up.

My adrenaline levels would spike, and I would go into fight-or-flight mode. A friend of mine, Nils, had the same problem. He tried to overcome it by doing crazy out-of-your-comfort-zone stunts.

Laying down on a busy street. These experiments show that you can learn how to be more outgoing fast. It was too exhausting. To become more outgoing and move out of your comfort zone for good, you need to take a more sustainable approach. Try setting small goals that gradually increase in difficulty. For example, your first goal could be to make eye contact with the barista at your favorite coffee shop the next time you go in. For example, if you feel uneasy when talking to a stranger, you probably try to wrap the conversation up as soon as possible.

Every time you feel nervous, try to stay where you are. The longer you allow yourself to feel nervous, the emptier your nervosity bucket becomes, and the more comfortable you feel. I used to see nervousness as something bad and tried to avoid it. But when I started to stay in social situations for longer, I even started feeling good about being nervous. Being nervous was a sign that my bucket was emptying.

Using this method, you can train yourself how to feel less awkward. If your inner voice is like a critic who puts you down and points out your flaws, you may feel inhibited and self-conscious. These thoughts reflect your self-limiting beliefs. We recommend BetterHelp for online therapy, since they offer unlimited messaging and a weekly session, and is much cheaper than going to an actual therapist's office.

They are also cheaper than Talkspace for what you get. You can learn more about BetterHelp here. Learning to talk to yourself in a kind, compassionate manner can help you challenge these unhelpful thoughts, improve your confidence, and become more outgoing.

When an unhelpful belief pops up, ask yourself some questions: [ 11 ]. After asking yourself the questions above, you might realize that the belief stems from your childhood and teen years when people commented on how quiet you are.

If you only talk about facts, your conversations will be dull. Asking questions that encourage the other person to tell you something about themselves will make the conversation more engaging. For example, if I was talking to someone about rising unemployment figures and the conversation was getting boring, I might say:. What kind of work would you do if you were to change jobs completely? By doing this, the conversation would get more personal and interesting. To be approachable and outgoing, we need to share things about ourselves when we talk to someone.

I always used to feel uncomfortable doing this. I was more comfortable asking questions and getting to know others. Did you grow stuff as well? Are you into fantasy? Where would you wanna live if you could live anywhere? Notice that these examples all encourage back-and-forth conversation. Thoughtful questions and careful sharing helps you get to know someone else and gives them a chance to learn more about you.

Outgoing people use their body language and facial expressions to communicate their interest in other people and to show that they are friendly. Making eye contact communicates that you are open and receptive to other people.

As someone who was nervous and awkward when they were growing up, I know that it can be difficult. You need to move your attention away from yourself and re-focus on what the other person is saying. Click here to read more about how to improve your eye contact. Humans smile to show that we have positive intentions. When I felt uncomfortable, I used a fake smile, or I forgot to smile altogether. But outgoing people have natural smiles, so you need to learn how to smile in an authentic, natural way.

Go to a mirror and try producing a genuine smile. Pay attention to what a real smile feels like. Try to avoid closed body language, such as crossing your arms or holding something over your stomach. These gestures signal that you feel nervous, annoyed, or vulnerable. For more tips, see this guide to confident body language. High energy people appear more confident, dynamic, warm, and engaging. I am so glad to know that I am not alone.

I was beginning to think am a unique case. I really want to change coz being who I am is even limiting my job options. I have great qualifications but when it comes to the interview, am to shy, I embarass my CV. I have great job and very confident. I have to be very social and I am very talkative, but when I am with groups of friends I am quiet. I am so glad I read this, because i would always set these standards like I have to be friends with everyone!

But now my standard is to talk to at least one or two new people every couple days at least. Hi, I am even to shy to write this but I did it!!!! Shy people are some of the best people to be friends with. I have tried to be socialable but I still get rejected like crazy, so I tend to clam up even more. I just moved schools and I hate it. I find it to hard to interact with people. I try sitting with a group of people and I have no idea what to say.

I want to be able to act like my goofy loud sarcastic self like I am at home. The only time im social around people I dont know is when im drinking alcohol. Thank you for your insightful, straight-forward approach! I tried that for a long time. Josh, why is getting rejected making you clam up more? That means you still care about being rejected. Reading all of these post makes me feel so much better. I thought I was such a weirdo!! I get nervous even making phone calls. I go to college and I was debating if I should drop out or not just because a speech class is required to graduate.

I know how ridiculous it sounds and I seriously dont know what to do about it. Everyday I sit alone watching other people talk and be open just wishing so badly I could be that way. Is there any medication that will help? I started taking Adderall because I read it help with anxiety and it does for a bit but it makes my depression worse. Someone please help! My sister and i both suffer from social anxiety.

Put on a smile, tell people what they want to hear. Wow… i feel so much less of an outcast knowing that there are people out there like me!!! I feel so awkward and cling to my cell phone to make myself look busy. I am soooo desperate to have a social life, and do stuff but i know noone apart from my family in this state. I tried making friends but everyone has their own friends. I feel ridiculous saying that im scared of people and of meeting people, but thats the only way i can describe it.

I am so desperate to have a life and not feel like an introvert. Sarah — nothing wrong with being an introvert — its a personality type.

The issue maybe is one of self confidence — something I struggle with myself everyday. Really felt like an outsider looking in. I recently started high school, and I reallly want to make new friends. I have a few very close friends, but they are very outgoing and they have other friends and plans. I want to have fun weekends like them, and plans all the time instead of just sitting at home alone over the weekend.

I feel very lonely. However I feel awkward and answer with short answers. How can I do that? I really need help! I want to stop being so scared self conscious and expand my circle of friends. I have the same problem.

I dont reallly listen either. In middle school, I used to go out a lot and I used to have a lot of really close friends, but I realized that through those middle school years and the first 2 years of high school, I changed because I thought I was too introverted. Not just that, but I AM lonelier. I am hardly close to anyone anymore and although I have somewhat mastered the art of small talk, I want to enhance upon that and go a step further to actually be FRIENDS with people.

What went wrong?! I am VERY shy myself. Even my zodiac sign leo says that i should be really outgoing and a leader. Please help me!!!!!!! I consider myself mostly an introvert, but I have abilities to be extroverted.

Think of it this way… yeah sure maybe there are people out there who would reject you or find you awkward.. Really what you have to focus on is acting like yourself and without shame and guilt for being yourself. I am even scared of what people will think of me if I speak my mind. My face gets red and my eyes feel watery. I fear they will judge me and reject me for how nerdy i seem to be.

I often feel like I am an awkward person to be around and am boring, with a nerdy brain and dull clothes. I think this can definitely help me, I need a lot of determination, gradually become more social step by step and let people know my personality instead of just hiding it.

I just sit by myself, wishing someone might come up and talk to me. My problem is that I always mess up in front of people and make a fool of myself. I really need a confidence booster, and to be more brave. I know that not everyone will like me, but I wish that there were some that did outside of my family, of course.

Oh that I were more smart in what I said to others. And could carry an intellectual conversation…. At the beginning of the year I sat at a table of a few pretty cool people, I barely ever talk to them and I just sit around and listen. But I think I have this inferior complex of being so sl inferior to those girls who are much more popular than me. When im with them, I just shy away when they say hi to anybody.

Do you have a solution? I recently moved to a new town to be with my boyfriend and got a full time job at a bank. I have no friends and I sit around feeling sorry for myself wishing I was someone else.

It makes me feel like a loser. I feel the same way. As I remember I have always been struggling with extreme shyness for almost all of my life I am 26 now. As I grew up and went to university, it started to be a really big obstacle in front of me.

I knew that I would not have an easy battle, but I needed to be the winner … Hopefully I have improved a lot since then, but I still have a lot of works to do. I really wanna stop this but i just cant i dont have the guts. I think its because out going people who are really not shy to say anything get on my nerves.

Now the past 2 years I developed anxiety and depression. I just fumble my words a lot and I just end up feeling awkward and my face turns red. The worst part about that is I can feel my face turning red and I start panicking. Throughout the years, all these awkward and embarrassing situations I experienced has made me into a introvert that wants to avoid all social situations.

I still go to college and I work as a waiter, but just going outside and actually being around people makes me feel so uncomfortable. Staying home is soooooo much easier, but at the end of the day I just end up feeling more sorry for my self.

I feel depressed because I have to live with this. I just wish going outside was fun and easy going, but it is the complete opposite. The only reason I am writing this is to show other people like me that they are not alone. Good luck with your lives. I try to be confident and think that when I go out with my friend I will have stuff to talk about but once I am there I have not one thing to talk about I stiffer and sound like a conete idiot.

It sucks really. I am a VERY shy person! I take so long to get comfortable with people. I only have one friend who I have known for 14 years and I am myself around her and she thinks that I am wild and carefree. I have a few friends but they all have other friends whothey hang Out with! He makes friends so easily and everyone compares me To him!! Send me a message on Instagram and let me know. View this post on Instagram.

Keep In Touch Get actionable tips on how to develop magnetic charisma, have effortless conversations, and build quality connections. Loading Comments The gist is that, when you compliment someone on something specific, like their bag or bracelet, there's a good chance they'll share a little detail about it, like where they got it, or who gave it to them.

From there, Toth says, you can take that little nugget of information and run with it. I can only speak from my own experience, but I can almost guarantee that, if you try to be outgoing in a setting where you feel outcasted, it's probably not going to pan out. Instead, empowerment coach Kenzie Bond recommends "starting out slowly with a few existing interests. By Julia Guerra. Search Close.